back to the future

What kind of wood would a woodchuck sport
if a woodchuck
could sport
wood.

I'm such a dirty girl. That just popped into my head.

I've decided I really need to express myself somehow. I need to vent. I went back to therapy, and I know that will help. See, there's Good Sabine, and Bad Sabine, and poor Bad Sabine has been shoved deep down in some Jungian closet in my psyche for a while now because it was just easier not to deal with her. This is all metaphor mind you, I'm not some schizophrenic psycho (despite what *he* came to believe.) He used to like metaphor. We had such fun playing with words. That was the best part, and what I miss the most. The intellectual stimulation. Actually, I'd take any kind of stimulation right now. I haven't had sex in over a year. Yes, you read that correctly. *sigh*

Or course that's an obvious discussion for counseling, lol. If I want it I should ask for it. But someone has already said he doesn't like me to "demand" things of him. Apparently, me saying I missed him kissing me goodbye in the morning translated as I was commanding him to do it, and he resented that. (So since it came up again in our last "what is up with our relationship talk" now I get this peck on the cheek with a grand sing-sony "goodbye!". It smacks of a little sarcasm, but whatever.) I 'm also afraid of being rejected, honestly. I made the last move a few months ago. We were lying in bed in the dark, and I started stroking him, and he didn't resist, so I got him off. He returned the favor with some kissing and a finger. At least I got some release. I don't count that as sex though. A week or two ago I offered him a massage. I had offered it earlier as well. He begged off politely, which really sounded like a "thanks but no thanks because I suspect you are thinking of using that as a seduction tool and I'm still not in the mood to be intimate with you."

The excuse is our door is broken and the kids are so close, so I am hoping maybe up north at the ski home this winter something will happen. If not, then I know it's me. Well, it's him. I guess it's us, us?