Blasphemy!

I went to confession tonight.
I’m serious.
I didn’t plan it. And it’s probably not what you might first think. I mean, with my infidelity and all.
I confessed I don’t get to mass and feel badly about it.
But what I felt was a worse sin
Was that I think poorly of myself sometimes. I don’t give myself respect.
That must offend God, if he created me in his image
And loves me and thinks I am special.
Maybe the irony of this is that if I went to church I’d feel better about myself, LOL.
This is why I journal, to have those kind of epiphanies.
They help you know. I wish I could physically write in a diary, but I don’t trust someone not to find it and read it. Which brings me to the point of this entry: my penance.
I didn’t get three Hail Marys.
No, Fr. Joe told me to do something nice for someone I don’t like
And not to expect recognition or thanks
Because I am doing it for God, and myself.
And I couldn’t help but think
Isn’t that the story of my marriage life?
I know, I’m awful.

A fellow blogger I once was friendly with is now divorced
And having hot sex
And got a book deal.
I feel so incredibly guilty not writing.
I had two people ask me about how my writing is going tonight.
Even my Dad over Easter.
I let Him down.
And I don’t mean Dad.
Or God
‘Cause you know the hubby was the Oedipal manifestation
….
Pregnant pause

Oh shit that’s another one of those ironic epiphanies.
Men just suck ass. I want to be a femi-nazi lesbian.
And knit socks and grow my own vegetables.

I’m proud of this.